(The Following is a Shameless Unpaid Advertisement)

I want to buy a house for $200 (using other people's money), turn it around, and resell it for a 10 million dollars! I want to sit in my bathrobe (I don't wear pajamas) and make millions sitting at my computer with just a few, simple clicks! I want to buy and sell stocks online and watch the millions roll in while I laugh at bills! I want a sparkling clean colon... oops! Forget that last one. Anyhow, I am out of work at the moment and need to generate a steady stream of income (in short, I need a financial version of Flomax). Unfortunately, in reality, it's not that easy.

Although I currently have many, many job applications out there (one actually [and a letter requesting appointment as a Bail Commissioner]), I am not really working.... or, until recently, I wasn't. Yes, I am still a Justice of the Peace, I casually sell personalized advertising specialties, and I collect a pitiful retirement check, but the three together don't go terribly far. All together, I probably am bringing in enough to pick up a Homer Simpson Chia Pet each month ($19.95 from www.thesimpsonshop.com).

Anyhow, when I knew "retirement" was becoming a reality, I began spending many, many hours online looking at "Make Money from Home" and "Become a Millionaire" offerings. I knew I could pick any one of the offerings and become an instant millionaire, but there was that nagging little voice questioning why more people weren't doing this. There are thousands and thousands of such "opportunities"; why aren't more people taking advantage of them? Are they for real?

(READER ALERT - a nasty four-letter word follows in the next sentence): Being brought up with an old-fashioned set of values, I always believed that to earn money, one needed to work for it, which brings to mind an old saying: "Why is it people born on third base walk around like they hit a triple?" Yes, I would love to be handed a check for a million dollars, but it isn't going to happen, so I fell back on the concept of making money the old-fashioned way - by working for it.

Sooo, I found an opportunity that appears to have NO downside, and with your help, I can make enough money to feed my family and animals (sometimes they seem like one and the same), put gas in the car (not that way - through the filler), keep the landlord happy (me), keep the family warm through our long New Hampshire winters, and maybe, just maybe, sock some funds away so that someday I really can retire!

After much research, I made a decision, and am now a Fuller Brush Man (technically an Independent Fuller Brush Distributor). The job offers everything I want - it keeps me busy and off the streets at night. There are other benefits as well, but I will save those for another entry. As I shortly need to close here, I will leave you with two thoughts: (1) Check out my website and buy my products. Think of Miss Jessica eating pasta most of the time (true [but actually her choice]). The site is www.fullerdirect.com. You need to accurately enter all of the following seven numbers - 0841110 and then browse to your little heart's content and order many mostly American-made products (that's gotta count for something). Postage and handling remains constant, so order away! Just think of the gas you will be saving. (2) If you would like to emulate me and follow in my footsteps, get out and meet lots of people, and make some extra money and have fun doing it, sign up as an Independent Distributor through me. You get the same great products at a nice discount, meet great people, and can ultimately quit your boring 9 -to-5 job. I will help you and take good care of you! Send an email to fbdaveb@gmail.com. Think about it. Thanks.

Later.

[Actor Portrayal. Your Results Will Vary. Unique Experience. Results Not Typical. Not Intended to Prevent or Treat any Disease or Condition. Dramatization. Professional Driver on Closed Course. I'm Dave Berman, and I approved this Ad. Seek the Advice of your Physician Before Starting any Treatment.]