SIXTEEN CANDLES

I am sitting at my desk working on a piece of writing for a friend. Usually, the TV is just on without my really watching - background noise with an occasional glance on my part. This time, however, to avoid visual distraction, I have a music channel on featuring Solid Gold Oldies.

A song came on that like a tidal wave swept me back to another time and place. Sixteen Candles was the most danceable slow song! In those days, we craved slow songs because that meant dancing and holding our partners close - three minutes of heaven on earth. We often asked the DJ to play a 'Slow Ladies Choice,' which allowed girls to ask the guys to dance. Sometimes someone would even ask me to dance. When that actually happened, I usually asked my friend to hold her cane and dog while we danced.

Once I found someone that would dance with me, we'd walk slowly to the dance floor, my hand in the small of her back gently guiding her (or clutching her blouse making sure she didn't bolt).

She'd turn and face me. My right hand and arm went around her waist; my left (and her right) arm stuck out to the left looking like we were ready to gently arm wrestle. And then, feeling the music (And other things), we'd begin to move and sway and glide over the floor. (In more advanced cases, I was able to put both arms around her and hold her close. 

At those moments, nothing else existed - true heaven on earth. Any reverie, though, was often cut short be the abrasion of her hair on my cheek and/or chin. Usually so much hair spray was used, her hair could deflect bullets. The most prevalent was called the beehive. Ouch!

I miss those days.

The song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD9krCCh7DY&ab_channel=OldHitsLyrics

GREAT ADVICE (AT LEAST I THINK SO)!

There was a time I didn't want children. 

I looked at the world way back then and didn't feel equipped to help properly prepare a child to not just survive it but flourish. There was also a time when I looked at the world and didn't see it as the kind of place I wanted to bring a child into.

That all changed along the way as did I.

Once our daughter was born, I wanted to do what I could to provide some life lessons and leave some advice I deemed valuable should anything happen to me.

Turns out, she didn't need it. As of this writing, I am still here, and she turned out perfect (much because of her mother), but not all kids are so lucky/blessed, so, taken from a rough draft, here are some random pieces of wisdom that I would have told her (and probably did along the way) and am now sharing with you).

* * *

(1) "Pretend to be completely in control and people will assume that you are" (various attributions).

(2)  Just get through it! If things are great, enjoy them because soon they will suck. If things suck, hang on because soon they do get better. (Repeat as necessary.)

(3) 86 percent of guys are jerks! Find someone in the other 14 percent!) 

(4) Not everyone who's your friend is your friend.

(5) Whatever it is, it will get better. (See #2)

(6) Do what you have to do.

(7) Take care of your teeth and health

(8) Learn basic finances. Watch your credit

(9) "There is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to see, yet small enough to solve." Mike Leavitt.

(10) Don't create problems

(11) Find and read (and reread) Desiderata (https://allpoetry.com/Desiderata---Words-for-Life)

(12) Find and read (and reread) 10 Rules for Being Human (https://www.theprofessionalhobo.com/10-rules-for-being-human/)

(13) Find and read (and reread)11 Things They Don't Teach You in High School (https://sites.google.com/site/math10westviewsecondary/11-things-we-don-t-teach-you). BTW, these are not from Bill Gates.

(14) Don't ever stop learning and growing as a person.

* * * 

 This list above is but a starting point. There is so much advice out there. All we have to do is Google great advice, try it on for size, and the floodgates open.

I can guarantee someone needs to see the above list. Feel free to share.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

So, I have just completed 74 orbital trips around the sun and am beginning my 75th. Wow!

I am grateful I have made it this far. As I have often said before, I wouldn't change anything because to change any one thing would change everything that followed. I can not imagine a different life/world without my family and the people I know. Again, however, to change any one thing would change anything, and I love where I have arrived. To quote words from the Faces (formerly the Small Faces), "I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger," but now would be very different. 

I have started thinking about age and mortality. Possibilities are getting real. While not terribly good to myself and my well-being, I am not bad. There is a part of me that says, "It is what it is." I also say what happens is in God's hands. Whichever it is, it's cool. 

My wonderful daughter, the Ever-effervescent Miss Jessica sent me a birthday card. She wrote a note inside that got me thinking about this whole age thing. She began with, "I don't know what I'd do without you." That got to me as one day it will be true, so after some thought, I have a response.

What you would do without me is what you are doing already. We have helped create a strong, responsible, independent woman, and who you have become will do you well - you will be fine. Whether I am around another 30 minutes or 30 years (I had to sneak that in), you will be fine. I think back often about my parents with great love and admiration, and I hope you will do the same.  

Following someone's passing, as time moves along, we get better - maybe never all better, but certainly better! There are still times when something happens and I want to call my folks and share it with them, but the feeling quickly passes... until the next time.

There is a lot more to say, but what's above will suffice for now. 

Anyhow, thank you for the words. 

WHICH AMERICA - PART TWO

Below is a post I put up back in October and in light of the recent anti-American insurrection, still hits the nail on the head. It is truer today than it was then. 

Back on November 9, 2016, following the election, I posted the following: "I only have one prayer following this election. My prayer is that down the road, well into Trump's presidency, I am able to say, "I am sorry. You were right; I was wrong" versus "I tried to tell you!"

I tried to tell you! They didn't listen then; they're not listening now. They never will. Re-read below to see why. (A few undated tweaks are in italics.)

***

October 10, 2020

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this thing called 'America.'

Growing up, I thought I knew America. Over the past few years, I am not so sure anymore. 

In my early days, I was taught to see America as the proverbial melting pot - a stew of sorts contained in the borders of a pot in which there were many different ingredients, each with a separate identity but contributing to a whole, something that was far greater than the sum of the parts. If one was a true American, little else mattered. 

Today, we still have those who remember, adhere to and fight for the old vision but we also have those who, whether they can admit it or not, want only a straight, white, armed, Christian, male-dominated, country. Anything short of that is not America. There is little in-between. America started off with the former and is struggling today with the latter.

People don't want America - they want their version of America, and if one doesn't fit their model, they are the enemy.

When I arrived in rural New Hampshire, it struck me as Mayberry-ish. I came from a place where debutants had balls (not that kind), females had nose jobs (and boob jobs), and lots of material goods. None of that up in rural NH. You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know.... 

I suspect the section of NH where I ended up was and is tribal. Attitudes of locals was passed down by their parents who learned them from their parents, etc., etc. When I got here, New Hampshire was 99 percent white. Some forty years, it hasn't changed much - I believe latest census estimate (last year) put her at 93.1 percent white. 

The true locals resented outsiders, especially when they brought 'their ways.' I adapted pretty well and was pretty much accepted, but the loud, pushy tourists (the Massholes and the like) ruined it. 

I am going to stop here because this is sounding familiar (I am sure I posted something recently that reflects these thoughts). 

Next time will be something totally different.

Thanks for understanding.