THE TOOL

One of the things about living in the city or suburbs is a relative anonymity. From my experience, beyond one's circle of friends, nobody knew anybody else unless they had some notoriety (in junior high school, a friend took me to his neighbor's home for some milk and cookies - his neighbor was Isaac Asimov). Where I grew up, I didn't know people four houses away, so in a town of around 90,000, as a shy kid, I knew but a meager handful.

When I got to rural NH, however, my new township boasted maybe 900, so it was easy to know many others (as the old saying goes, if you don't know what you're doing, someone else will). As a teacher, I knew manifold kids and their manifold families. As a columnist, I had a small but loyal following, so I did have a modicum of name recognition. 

My wife's folks lived in New York before retiring to NH. I don't remember how it came up, but I suggested to them I was pretty well known up here. How well known? I told them to send a letter address to THE TOOL and with no address other than my town name and ZIP. I would let them know if and when it arrived. It did, and I did.

Think of it - it wouldn't work today, but the postmaster knew among the town's populace I was THE TOOL! I don't remember how the moniker derived, but I am THE TOOL!

(UPDATE: Crestfallen. Unfortunately, I did a search for the actual meaning, and I am thinking ruh-roh! One meaning is "One who lacks the mental capacity to know he is being used. A fool. A cretin. Characterized by low intelligence and/or self-esteem." As a matter of fact, all of the definitions I found were negative.

Of course,when I grew up, 'tool' had another totally different meaning, which I will not share here. As a typical teenager, we had terms to describe things [especially body parts] in unscientific terminology. Without your knowing what 'tool' referred to back then to us, people today may be puzzled when I proudly say in a deliberate, deep voice, "I. Am. THE. TOOL!")

You know what? Disregard this whole post!